Adventures: Battle or Bus

As told by Federal Ranga again...


Shit is crazy... I'm in Seattle, see my man $yk, I get half ass jacked by Kurupt and next thing I know I'm on a James Bond type mission to NY? Damn... I need to stay home more, yo. Chuntell would've slapped the shit outta Kurupt for that joke. So I'm 65k richer now holding an envelope and (just to build excitement) haven't opened it yet. I'm bumping Any Man by Eminem off the Soundbombing II album on repeat. As I came up on the airport, my phone rang with a private number...

"I know I'on owe nobody no money..." I answer my phone. "Yo, who this?"
"Is this Federal Ranga?"
"Damn skippy, nigga. Who this?"
"Going to New York?"
"Yeah.... aiyyo, how the fuck you-"
*Click/Dial tone*
"Weird ass nigga..."

Fuck that shit. We finally get to the airport and I cop a ticket to NYC. Something seems hella fuckin fishy as I walk to have a seat to wait for the plane... too many people are looking at me. Everybody is clearing out of the way no matter where I go. It's as though I got herpes or something. I know my reputation preceeds me, but DAMN, it's not that serious, ya'll. As I walk to my terminal, I notice one of the flight staff is wearing a LA fitted... something ain't right here ya'll. Little light skinned mufucka. Skinny. Spotting me, he immediately leaps from behind the counter in front of me with a mic as all the lights in the airport blackout. WTF?! A light shines from the ceiling on him and me as a crowd, out of nowhere has formed, cheering wildly. Then an announcer comes on the P.A.

NIGGAZ AND BITCHES, ITS A BATTLE FOR THE MUTHAFUCKIN AGES!!! AWWWWW, YEAAAAH!!! THE TAKEOFF BATTLE!!! A PLANE RIDE IS ON THE MUTHAFUCKIN LINE!!! IF FED WINS HE GETS ON HIS PLANE TO NYC!!! *Wild Applause* IF HE LOSES, HE TAKES GREYHOUND! LET'S GET IT. THREE ROUNDS. 16 BARS EACH!!! LET'S GO!!! HIS FIRST OPPONENT: NIPSEY HUSSLE!!!

Are you fucking serious?! My oppenent lifts his head up to reveal himself... Hell yeah, it's Mr. Hussle himself. Who the fuck hired this nigga in an airport.

"I'm about to serve you, biatch" he declares as a yellow bone woman comes and takes off his clothes into his street gear. "Fuck that plane... when I'm done with you, it's bus time, nigga."
"FINALLY!!! I get to have some fuckin fun," I say smiling back and putting $yk's envolope in my back pocket. If you haven't heard... I love to spit and battling is how I got started. "Let's get it!"

AIGHT YA'LL TOUCH MICS!!!

"Nigga, I ain't got one!" I scream to whoever the fuck is announcing. Out of nowhere a mic falls from the air and hits me in the dome. Damn. That's convenient. "Never mind, dickhead!" I bumps mics with Hussle as he points to God.... yeah, nigga. You gonna need that. Out walks another hot lil mama with a 50 Cent coin. Not a regular half dollar. A 50 Cent coin. I'll explain how he got involved with the Federal Reserve later.

"Call it in the air, Hussle, baby..." she says.
"Heads, bitch. Always," he orders. As she flips the coins, a way too prepared Hussle just knocks this bitch to the floor. "Get the fuck out the way, hoe!" Coin lands - on her ass. Heads. "I'ma go first... fuck he gonna say after me?" he boasts. More wild applause. Is the crowd really feeding into this shit? Fuck it. I'm going in! Next thing I know the Gin & Juice instrumental starts playing. The mood couldn't be more perfect. I'm about to torch a mufucka, but he wants to bomb first? Fuck it. Lets go. Stay tuned...